Who Do You Think You Are?

"Your book changed my life. Just one minute ago, I finished reading your memoir. I want you to know, it changed my life completely. I'm 16 years old, by the way. I saw your book mentioned in Cosmopolitan. I read the book's description and thought I HAVE to read this. Your book sounded like something I could connect with because of my relationship with my mother. My mother and I have always fought. She has treated me differently than my sister and criticizes me in every way. She is so negative, always fighting nonstop with my dad. I feel I hate her. So I stopped in at my local bookstore, just browsing. Then there on the shelf in front of me was your book. I picked it up and knew I couldn't put it back. A little while ago my mother came up to see what I was reading, and I had just finished it. I was balling my eyes out and still am. She started hugging me, and I can't explain what happened. Your book has touched me in a way like none other, and it has hit so close to home. It has made me think about my relationship with my mother and about how, when I am grown up, I will likely look back and wish I said something and had a better relationship with her. My mother will never change, but I can , and that is because of you, sharing your life. I sincerely thank you. You have made such an impact on my life, and I'm sure the lives of many others."

"Whew, what a great book, especially, the first line. I don’t like my mother either, and I really hated my father! Because of your book, I feel so much better. To not have to feel guilt and shame anymore from my childhood is so liberating! Out of 8 children, I’m the only one who graduated from college, not as an undergraduate, but a master’s degree in communications. I too love to write and have wanted to expose my real feelings about growing up with an alcoholic father and a cold, distant mother. Maybe one day. At an early age, I felt totally rejected by my parents, and have never felt comfortable in my own skin. Thank god those days are over! When I graduated with a MA, and I told my mother, all she could say was, “Your older sister got a new car,” so you can only imagine the hurt and anger shooting through my veins. All my life I desperately wanted to please my mother and get her approval. But now I know no matter how many degrees I achieve, she will never love me and accept me the way she does my two older sisters. Even though my mother is still alive, we don’t have much to do with each other, and certainly don’t have much to talk about. However, when I do call her, she never asks about me, but complains to me about all her pains and how poor she is. And believe me; she has far more material possessions than me, but no close relationships other than my two sisters. I could go on and on, but I’ll just tell you that I feel the hurt just as you did and can totally identify with you. Luckily, I have a resilient spirit and have worked through all the crap, and have actually become a very generous, compassionate and caring woman. I commend you, and wish you the very best!"

"Thank you for such a wonderful memoir. I'm almost to the end of the book, and I've only had it a week. I can see myself in your story, and relate to so much what you went through. My mother and father were both abusive to me mentally, emotionally and physically. I had absolutely no self-esteem or self-worth growing up, which sent me straight into being promiscuous and using drugs and alcohol at an early age. I have three sisters and four brothers I was the middle child. My two oldest sisters were treated very differently than me and my younger sister. My mother played favorites. This was extremely painful for me, resulting in lots of anger, resentment and jealousies. Today I'm not close to any of my siblings, except one of my brothers. My relationships with men have been catastrophic, and I have not married or had children because I did not want to abuse them. I regret not giving birth because I know now that I would be a loving mom. I would love to be in a close relationship with a man, but I don't know if that will ever happen. Thankfully, I was able to seek help and learn to love myself. I think the hardest part for me was completely accepting and loving myself just as I am. Currently, my relationship with my mother is still strained, but I've learned to feel compassion for her and to realize she can't give me what she does not have. My father, however has been dead for 13 years. He was an alcoholic and, of course, I was just like him, as my mother would always point out. Again, I'm so grateful to have women like yourself tell it like it really was, for there is so much healing when you know you're not alone. Blessings."

"I just finished reading your memoir Who Do You Think You Are? Dazzling in its simplicity and its honesty. All I can say is what a gorgeous book and what a gorgeous young woman you must be. That you had the stamina and an irrepressible core to be able to get beyond such a miserably abusive childhood is amazing. I am recommending your stunning memoir to everyone I know. "

"I just finished reading your book and I loved it! I couldn't put it down. I have been reading it at work. I kept it in my top desk drawer and read it a page at a time, closing my drawer if I heard someone come down the hall! I am 25 years old and have a terrific relationship with my mother. It was hard at times to read your book—hard for me to understand how a mother could be so mean. But after reading through the whole book, you eloquently made the reasons more clear. Thank you so much for sharing your life with us, I will definitely pass this book along and look forward to reading your next!"

"Thank you for your book. It brought out so much of my life, my feelings, love, hate and yearning. I thought I was the only one growing up with those feelings. I gave your book to my sister to help her go through her anger. It's better then therapy."

"Hi. I am a huge fan. I read your book in one reading, and I absolutely loved it. You see, I too have a very rocky relationship with my mother, and many of the things you wrote about were eerily close to the way I feel every day of my life. You said in your book that you were always jealous of the relationship other girls had with their mothers; I feel the EXACT same way. This email would never end if I wrote you all the awful things she says or does to my older sister and me. I'm so sad a lot of the time, and I don't know how to fix it. It is difficult for my sister and me to be under a roof with a set of parents so dysfunctional that every day feels like mass confusion, sadness and, above all, helplessness. I guess I wanted to write to you to say thank you for your book. It gave me hope that one day I'll be strong enough to deal with my sorrow (and God willing should I one day have a husband and children, that I would never make them feel the way my mother makes me feel). Thank you again. Your book truly changed me."

"I can’t thank you enough for your beginning words, 'I didn’t like my mother and I certainly didn’t love her.' I know those aren’t easy words to say. I had a similar relationship with my mother and was estranged from her for the last couple of years of her life. It was a complicated relationship, and after my mother died, I had such strong emotions and guilt to process through. There is nothing in our society that allows for not loving your mother. After my mother died I searched for books on the subject to help me process but found nothing—until now. Just reading your book was like having a conversation with someone who understands; the similarity of our worlds is uncanny. I only wish I could continue the conversation and ask you the many questions flowing through my head. I have yet to find the compassion you seemed to have found for your mother but reading your book has given me another way of looking at mine. Your honest words were powerful, thank you for telling your story. I also want to thank you for the note in the acknowledgments encouraging others to write their stories. I have long thought of writing my story and even took a memoir writing course. I wrote a short piece about my mother but was devastated when the instructor told me my story came across as cold and she couldn’t understand how I could have those feelings toward my mother. She wanted me to change the ending to a happy one, in other words change reality. I have not written anything since, but your story and encouraging words give me second thoughts on writing again."

"I am the mother of an 11-month old daughter. I just finished reading your book 10 minutes ago and had to write a quick note. I have wanted to write my mother's memoir about her life during the War in Poland and Germany, as it is a fascinating story. I have been to seminars, even had a few things published. But I never really believed in myself enough—or had the commitment—to get it done (I never finished college), even though everyone always told me I have talent. Maybe it is my time. Your book inspired me, moved me and brought tears to my eyes. Amazing. Thank You. Please look out for me sometime in the near future. Wink. Wink."

"I read your book yesterday in one sitting and was moved to say the least. When I read the first line of the prologue and the first sentence of the next paragraph, it was jolting. My relationship (or non-relationship) with my mother was like yours in many ways. She was known in our Bronx neighborhood as the Screaming Lady. I never understood why my mother hated me and I her. When my brother called me to say that she had died, my grief was not because I missed her but because I felt nothing at all. I have been married for 36 years and my four sons are grown and doing well. I'm glad none of my mother rubbed of on me. Again, thank you for the book. Somehow I feel a kind of bond with it and you."

"Thank you for writing such a great book. I have felt such guilt for so many years because I too have always hated my mother. I love her in some ways, but most of the time I despise her. I am one of three sisters, and I was always my dad's favorite (I still am). Both my parents are alive and well, thank God. Not wanting to leave my dad alone with her, I chose to move on the next block from them. Although they are so close, I have to force myself to go visit. They never come visit me and my boys (I am a single mother). Part of the reason I chose to remain single is because of the relationship my parents had. Like you, I don’t want to depend on anyone for anything. They will "celebrate" their 50th wedding anniversary this November. I am sure they are expecting some kind of party/celebration. I find that hard to do. I feel their marriage was a marriage of endurance, not happiness. My mother married my dad to escape her own mother's stern hand. My father is a control freak who has run off all of his children except me. There are two brothers in the family, as well. I read your book in one day. I could not put it down. It made me cry. I am going to purchase three copies (one for me and one for each of my sisters). They have a different version of our childhood, like your sisters. This was the best book I have ever read. and I am an avid reader. Thank you so much for your honesty and candid story. Most of all I appreciate someone who understands how I feel. I thought I was alone. My friends are "shocked" when I speak of my mother. I rarely mention her. Several people have assumed she was deceased because I never mention her. Again, thanks. Great work. I cannot wait for your next book. Can I be the first member of your fan club?"

"This book is awesome, and I like your narration/style. Your book made me cry, even while typing this email. I took it out of the library, like any book, but it turned out to be very special. To my surprise, I completed this book without any break. I have very good parents. I love them. What can I say? But I am going to buy this book and keep it with me just as a way to respect your feelings. I am thankful to you for giving me a such a nice memoir."

"I very much appreciated your book. My mother is no saint. She is now 84. I, too am trying to forgive & forget the past."

"I really loved your book and could not put it down. I enjoyed how you raised questions and answered them, like not knowing why Jewish people attach and tear a black ribbon when someone dies. I was hoping that you would answer that, and you did. Did you ever find out what your dad really died from? I also found it interesting that you and your mom shared the commonality of not asking questions if something was bothering you. For example, your mom didn't want to ask questions about her illness, and you didn't want to know what your dad died from. I'm glad your life is good now and that you rose above it all. Thanks for sharing. It must be odd that so many readers now know all about your life yet you don't even know who they are."

"I just finished your memoir and it was wonderful. The title of the book got my attention; I guess, like you, I also heard that expression many times growing up. I found your book interesting because I grew up in the Queensbridge Projects. My family moved there in 1950 when I was five years old and stayed there till 1957, at which time we moved to Sunnyside. I remember we lived on 10th St., but I'm not sure of the correct address. Sadly I am the only one left; they have all passed away."

"I just read your book and wanted to let you know how much it meant to me to see a reflection of my own experiences. Growing up with a mother who was dealing with mental illness; a kind father who was very good to me but probably worn out from managing my mom for so many years; and a much older (10 years older) brother who also was kind, but was out of the house by the time I was around seven—I've been nagged by the sense of always being different in a way most other people just can't understand. Your book has been the rare instance where I found I could easily relate and feel that someone else could truly comprehend the dynamics of this type of childhood. An area of your book that I think about is how you moved on with your life. You cited several times how your mother didn't ask for much, but you were able to go after what you wanted. I wonder how children, especially kids raised in challenging circumstances move on and don't repeat the life they saw growing up. If you write more, that is an area where I would welcome your viewpoint and hear you explore this in more detail. Thank you and I'm happy and inspired to see how you have moved forward with your life and family."

"Aside from the fact that I loved your writing, your book had a major impact on me. I was blown away by the soul-baring honesty of your revelations. Half the time I thought you were talking about my mother, although to borrow your honesty, my mother trailed a few notches south. She merely criticized, but did smoke as if to block pure oxygen from getting to the rest of us. I swear, the smoke was wafting off the page, that’s how real your writing was. You captured the characters, time and place perfectly. I knew those people and pretty much felt the same way about them that you did. Family can be so cruel sometimes, intended or otherwise. I’m happy to hear you’re working on another book and can’t wait to read it."

"Just wanted to email you (I have never emailed or written to an author before!) to tell you that I loved your book. It was beautifully written and I simply could not put it down. I related to many things in your book. I grew up in the Bronx (although you were in Queens) at the same time. We lived a short time in he projects and I remember also wanting to get out of there. I was always looking toward Manhattan, like yourself, and spent much time there and eventually my first apartment was there, too. My Mom, too, would say a version of "Who do you think you are?" She'd say to me "...you just want to live your life your way...". I always answered, "Why would I want to live it someone else's way..." which I'm sure truly annoyed her. I think as we get older, we look at our parents in such a different way. We realize they were people with complicated lives that we couldn't understand at time. I also loved the two photographs on the cover. I assume it was your Mother and you as a child. It captured that time beautifully and is a perfect cover. Good luck with this terrific book. I hope to see it on the New York Times bestseller list soon!! "

"Just a quick note to let you know how much I enjoyed your book! The story really moved along and kept me interested from start to finish. I just had to know what was in that box! Our stories are similar in a lot of ways. We're about the same age and we're both jewish. My mother is extremely cold, mean and very sarcastic towards me. To this day, we have a hard time communicating. Recently we attended a bar mitzvahs and were seated at the same table. Everyone was joking around and then my mother said something very mean and disrespectful about me. The mood at the table changed and a few people excused themselves and left. Like you I always craved that closeness and tried in so many ways to make us closer but so far it hasn't worked. Like you I had a grandparent on my side growing up. Just before I turned 18 my mom told me that I would be moving out the day after my birthday. She bought dishes and towels for my "new place" and kept them down the basement. I have one brother and she treats him so differently, just like how your mom was with your sisters. She was so loving, cuddly, and generous with him. He has a million cute nick names, she loves his wife and she helps support them and their dreams. A long time ago I decided that no matter what she said it wouldn't matter and I wouldn't think about it. That's the plan I still use when I have to deal with her. It's hard because she uses a lot of snide remarks and back handed compliments in the middle of a conversation. A lot of times I don't realize that she's disrespecting me or putting me down until a few moments later. Well, Alyse I won't take up any more of your time. Thank you for writing such a great book and taking the time to read my e-mail. I wish you all the best!"

"My first interest came from the title of your book because it is something I heard often while growing up: 'Who do you think you are?' I had the same ambition to be better than the circumstances I was born into. I also was the oldest daughter, had issues with my parents and sister, had to make all the adjustments that you mentioned for the reasons you mentioned. My father's death was caused by alcoholism. Your book gave me insight into just why some of these emotional things affect one's life. I just finished your book and found so many similarities in how our lives played out. My mother is doing well at age 97 and has mellowed, as have I. I always wanted boys for my children, and I have two sons. I wonder what having a daughter would have been like, but I got my wish. I did write a memoir of sorts recently to my sons to put in a scrapbook I made for them. Things I thought they may not know and might wonder about later in life. (My own wooden box.) I often wonder if the love we have for one another is fully realized. You made me feel it could be. Relationships are a work in progress. Thank you so much."

"Your book was wonderful! I couldn't put it down! I really related to your childhood family experience. There are many similarities that I experienced growing up in my family. I really have grappled with my family dynamic for so long (I also have 2 sisters, my parents fought badly, my father had a secret affair, I pulled myself out on my own, I met a wonderful man who is devoted, I only wanted 1 child, my parents smoked non stop which is still a prob for me to this day. I always get ill from it, etc.). Your story resonates profoundly in my mind and has truly given me a bit of peace to know that I am not the only one who had such experiences (although for me, I grew up in a wealthy suburb area on Long Island and my family didn't fit in, and that was very hard for me). I gravitated to the city because of the diversity. Anyway, I could go on and on, but in essence, thank you for writing it!"

"I bought your book at noon on Sunday, cracked it at 6 p.m. and turned the last page at 11:30 pm. It is nothing short of brilliant, although from my perspective, sadly brilliant. I can't imagine the courage it took to write it and, as a reader, I hope it is not your last. "

"Your book was such a gift, and I thank you so much for writing it. I have lived a life with a very difficult mother/daughter dynamic. You wrote this memoir with such honesty and it was so fluid—like a conversation with a closest friend or a sister who would understand, as opposed to the usual way my sister and I would dance around and joke about our difficult relationship with our mom! That moment when you backed out of the conversation with your girlfriend, complaining about your mothers, struck me the most. It is like having a secret other life that you feel you can only let people have the smallest glimpse of. I am passing it along to both my mother and my sister and then onto my brother and am hoping for some good conversation to come of it! Perhaps my Grandmother may pick it up as well!! I read your book in just two sittings- the second of which, I sat with my 3-year old son on my lap as he watched a show. He kept begging me to read him just a little bit! It left me wanting more and feeling so wonderful. It so confirmed the senseless optimism (as most of my family describes it!) that I hold on to. Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"I stayed up most of the night last night turning pages until I finished your book. It’s been years since I’ve done that. As a matter of fact, I can’t remember the last time I did that. I nearly cried when you mentioned Alexander’s department store and the tightly connected pairs of shoes. I hadn’t thought about that in years. I want you to know how your words have touched and inspired me. I want you to know that your book will become part of who I am in a very profound way. If and when I write my memoir, I can only hope that I can touch one other person the way your book has touched me. Who do you think you are? I hope you think you're someone pretty special as I do. I am ever grateful."

"I hope this isn't the last book you write. I devoured it it in two sittings. I feel I know your and your mother, and I'm so happy you at last realized a connection and ultimately found closure. I think your writing is compelling and beautiful. Though my relationship with my parents was wonderful, I grew up in a New York borough and could relate to many things you write about (summer camp, Alexanders, school in Manhattan, etc.). Please write another!"

"I work in a small, public library in New Jersey and have a 12 credits towards my Masters in Library Science. We get pre-pubs of books at work, and I just pulled your memoir from the stack of non-fiction books that someone saved for me. It was as if it I chose it on purpose—your story was just so close to home- I read it in about three days (the first book I read completely since my Mom died; I hadn't been able to concentrate, but your story really hit home). I've always wanted to write a book and will some day. But I think I know how important this was for you to share and wanted you to know how much it meant to me. People are so afraid of sharing their feelings. I've learned after my mother's death that there's no reason to be afraid of having those emotions and letting people know how you feel (before it's too late, as was my case with my mother). Thank you for writing and sharing your story. It truly touched my heart and made me cry at times. But I needed to do that as well, to grieve and think about my life and those around me. Thanks again."

"I loved your book. Teary-eyed, I called my Mom the moment I finished it this weekend. I felt so lucky that I still had her in my life and I was able to hear her cheery voice on the other end. I am going to give the book to her now to read. Thank you for sharing from the heart. It was so beautifully written."

"I just finished your book and my emotions are fresh. My eyes are still swollen from crying. Although our backgrounds are different, there are so many similarities in our relationships with our mothers. I have two older brothers who could do no wrong. They had different parents, much like your sisters and you did. At one of my folks' anniversary parties, my brother got up and took the mic and read off a list starting with “I thank them for ...”. I took the mic and said, "Did we have the same parents?" My folks had a tumultuous marriage, and I use to wish they would divorce. My father had a horrible temper and lived in constant anger at my mother, jealous of her skills and attention being paid to others. In my closet there is a box that I have yet to open. They are love letters he wrote her when he was overseas in WWII. Need I say how the tears flowed at many moments in your book. I always heard from my mother that when I was born, I was a “homely mutt” with a full head of dark hair. She always said to me, "I hope you have a daughter just like you." I never married and never had a daughter. Only a dog, who is my joy. Thank you so much for writing your book. I am sure there are many who write in and share their stories with you. I know from my films, I often receive much mail like that. Warmest wishes, and I hope our paths cross one day."

"I recommend Who Do You Think You Are? highly! This memoir makes me want to aspire to write my own. Alas, I doubt I could reach the simplicity of Myers' writing coupled with the profundity of it. Maybe it's because the book relates closely to my poor, poor relationship with my mother, but that's not all of it, I think. It is simply a great read. Why can't more books use the simplicity of writing to such powerful effect as Myers does? I sure wish I could. Who Do You Think You Are? was, like other reviewers have said, a very fast read. So fast I didn't want it to end at times. Five unequivocal stars!"

"I finished your book this morning at about midnight or thereabouts. I couldn’t put it down. Thank you so much for sharing your childhood (and adulthood) with me. You were very honest and open. I could feel the pain and frustration and fear. The ending was so beautiful. Your writing style is quick and to the point and easy to read. There wasn’t one boring part that I felt I wanted to skip over (like I do sometimes in other books)."

"After reading your New York Times Magazine essay “How I Met My Mother,” I feel I know you—in fact, I could almost be you. Although some details differ, your description of the feelings you had about your mother and your daughter really hit home and moved me to tears. I have been estranged from my mother for most of my adult life and have had the same fear about replicating this with my daughter. The fear has always made it difficult to have a “normal” (whatever that is) relationship with my daughter, but I keep trying. I have in the past confided this fear to her, and she responded the same way your daughter did—that it would never happen. But the fear is so ingrained that it is hard to let it go, especially when we argue or she gets impatient with what she perceives as my treating her as a child (she is 24). The last three sentences of your piece gave me a sense of hope that I, too, can be freed from the curse and stop feeling like our relationship is over every time there is a problem. Thank you also for showing me that I am not alone in my feelings. I look forward to reading your book."

"Just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed reading this book. It is written so beautifully, I can see your life and feel your feelings."

"I read your book in one day and then gave it to my mom who also read it just as quickly. I have recommended your book to my serious book-reading friends. You touched my heart, and I am so glad that you've achieved a successful marriage and family life where love endlessly abounds. I can relate to that! I look forward to more books from you!"